When you’ve been asked for"time apart"–What to do…
What do you do when your partner speaks those dreaded four words–”I want time apart”?
If you’re like a lot of people, you immediately go to feeling that this is the end of the relationship and that you are being let down easily–or not so easily.
There’s a lot of confusion, hurt and uncertainty and you don’t know what to do next.
**Question from Reader…
“I’ve been in a relationship for almost 2 years. He recently told me that he loves me but that he wants ‘time apart’. What does this mean? He says he wants just some time apart and then he wants to get back together with me. I don’t believe in breaks and think this will be the end of our relationship. Can you help??”
**Our answer…
We won’t lie to you–it could go either way. The two of you could end up together after this hiatus or you could end up ending your relationship.
We’re not going to mislead you…
Statistics show that when a partner wants a “break” or “time apart” from the relationship, it usually doesn’t work out that the two people get back together.
But sometimes they do.
The bottom line is that if this is what he wants, you can’t force him to stay with you without the break.
There are a few things that we suggest you do to clear up some mysteries and make the reason for the break clearer…
Here are a few ideas
Love Test – Do You Know How To Use A Relationship Compass?
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Romantic Rescue – How Do You Grow From Relationship Boredom To Bliss?
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Jealousy: Stop Beating Yourself Up About It
If you’re jealous–or have jealousy issues and problems in your relationship …it’s embarrassing
AND….
You don’t want anyone to know what’s going on and that this is a problem for you.
It was that way for us when we had jealousy issues come up for us and we’re sure it’s the same way for you.
Whether it’s because you’ve acted in ways that others can see or it’s your thoughts alone–
You don’t feel very good about yourself and wonder why you have this problem while others don’t.
You ask yourself what’s wrong with me that I feel jealous and act in ways that sabotage my relationship.
So here’s a news flash for you about jealousy…
We all have ways of separating ourselves from others and messing up relationships–and jealousy is just one way.
So if you’re jealous, stop beating yourself up.
You won’t get very far in healing yourself and stopping jealousy if you keep making YOU wrong and punishing yourself.
Just make a small but powerful shift instead.
That shift is to see your jealousy as a way the broader, all-knowing you is trying to get your attention.
The shift can look like this…
Jealousy Meltdowns–3 Ways to Cure Them
If you’ve ever had a jealousy “meltdown” and accused your partner of something which may or may not be true, you know that it just caused even more problems than you had before.
Jealousy can ruin your relationship and wreck havoc with your life if you don’t do something about it–and fast!
If you want help stopping jealousy, our “No More Jealousy” book and audio program will give you the tools to stop it BEFORE it rips your relationship to shreds and you find yourself looking for a new partner or in divorce court.
***QUESTION FROM A READER
“My biggest challenge in our relationship is my low self-esteem which I feel promotes my jealousy. I am even jealous over people on the television. How can I feel better about myself and not look at others as so much better?”
>>>OUR COMMENTS:
There are a lot of things that fuel jealousy…
And one BIG thing that fuels it is the feeling that you aren’t as good as someone else in some way (or maybe many ways.)
You might feel good about yourself in some areas of your life but when it comes to having a great personality, body or anything else–you think (or rather you KNOW) that you don’t measure up.
You think this other person is always more beautiful, has a better body, is more fun than you and you are scared that your partner will find that other person more attractive than you and will leave you.
Your partner may be looking too long at the other person, talking about someone else a little too much, or may even have commented once (or more than once) about another person’s qualities.
That certainly adds to your belief that you aren’t good enough.
Chances are your low self-esteem didn’t just appear in this relationship.
Bits and pieces of it probably started long before–but that doesn’t mean you can’t do something
about it!
It might be that you were teased as a child by a parent or siblings.
It might be that previous partners cheated on you and you got the idea that because he or she cheated, YOU weren’t good enough.
What we know about low self-esteem is that it is a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Once you see the “evidence” that you aren’t as good as others, you draw those kinds of situations to you and people who will treat you as if you aren’t as good–over and over again.
Janet’s father told her that she wasn’t as pretty as her sister (or at least that’s the main message she heard from him).
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Episode 25 – Do You Know The Best Way To Heal A Toxic Relationship?
Are you involved in a toxic relationship? Find out when you take a simple Love Test. Learn the best new tool to repair and rebuild your romantic relationship now.
Willoughby’s Return, Publication Day, November 1st, and Blog Tour
There’s just about a week left before the official release of Willoughby’s Return, which is very exciting. I’ve been thrilled to receive my author copies from Sourcebooks – it’s wonderful to hold the book in my hands at last!
I’m doing a blog tour which I’m looking forward to very much – I hope you will join me.
Smexy Books 26/10/09
Psychotic State blogspot 27/10/09
Jane Austen’s World 10/11/09
Book Nerd Extraordinaire 2/11/09
Everything Victorian 3/11/09
Savvy, Verse and Wit 4/11/09
A Bibliophile’s Bookshelf 5/11/09
The Bookworm Blogspot 6/11/09
Books Like Breathing9/11/09
Fresh Fiction12/11/09
Love, Romance, Passion 11 & 13/11/09
I’m going to be doing interviews and ‘talking’ about the inspiration behind the book, as well as my artwork, which I must admit has been a little neglected of late. In celebration of the publication there will be some new paintings, some fun stuff, quizzes and the like, as well as prizes! So keep an eye open on my blog Jane Austen Sequels from November 1st!
I loved writing about the relationship between Marianne and her husband Colonel Brandon. They love one another deeply, but are often guilty of not communicating (in a very English way) on subjects that are dear to their hearts. What people say to one another and what they keep back is a fascinating subject for me. I thought the relationship that the Colonel shares with his ward Miss Williams alongside the relationship with her child who is also Willoughby’s daughter would create a certain tension between them. Punctuated by outbursts from Marianne followed by silences on the subject as she listens to her sister’s advice, I felt the conflicts would most likely end in reserve and avoidance.
Margaret Dashwood is just the age for falling in love – her story is woven in with Marianne’s. Will Margaret find her true love within the pages of Willoughby’s Return?
Jane Odiwe
Love Test – Do You Know The Best Way To Heal A Toxic Relationship?
Do you feel the stress of negativity when you’re in the presence of your romantic partner? Has this negative energy harmed the romance and affection in your relationship? Have you stopped sending thoughts of love and showing acts of kindness toward your partner? Do you sense your life would be happier and healthier without your partner?
If you answered Yes to one or more of the questions in this Love Test, it’s a symptom of a toxic relationship.
How do you heal it?
The same way you heal your body from an injury or disease. Given the right nutrients and support, your body is designed to repair, rebuild and revive optimal health.
Your relationships also need optimal support to repair the damage caused by toxic thoughts and actions, to rebuild a healthy connection with your intimate partner and to revive the love and positive interactions.
What kind of support do you need for relationship repair?
Avoid negativity, which is the energetic pattern of stress and disease in your body and your relationships.
Nurture feelings of love and gratitude, which are the energetic patterns that support the best health of your body and relationships.
Positive thought energy is a higher vibration than negativity, and the highest vibration always wins. This is why positive feelings, thoughts and actions are the antidote to negativity.
Why do you need this antidote?
If you remain stuck in anger, fear, jealousy or any form of negativity, you remain stuck in a toxic pattern of stress and dysfunction.
It is wise to get unstuck before this negativity triggers a downward spiral in your physical and relationship health.
How do you get unstuck?
Here is the best way to heal a toxic relationship with your partner–
Heal your relationship with yourself first.
You choose your thoughts and actions. So it is up to you to make better choices that will transform the destructive stress of negativity into positive thoughts and actions.
How do you make happier, healthier choices?
Replace your dark old habit with bright new one. This takes a conscious, consistent use of one new tool to improve your relationship with yourself:
Give yourself a time out for negative thoughts and actions, as you develop a new habit of self discipline.
Your thoughts and actions create energetic waves, much like tossing a stone into a stream and causing ripples far beyond it’s landing place.
What kind of energetic waves are you creating with each thought and action?
Notice when you send out an energetic punch or poison arrow to your partner.
Then take a moment to replace this negativity with a positive thought or action.
When you repeat this new pattern every day for a month, it becomes a new habit.
So be conscious of and consistent in sending out your best to improve your relationship.
Pay attention to your silent self talk.
If you talk to yourself in hurtful or demeaning ways, take a time out for reflection.
Would you say those things to your best friend?
If not, it’s time to stop your negative self talk so you can be your own best friend.
What if you’re partner sends you negative energy in the form of nasty emails, phone calls, derogatory words, glances or actions?
No need to engage. You only escalate negativity by sending it back.
A better choice is to apply the antidote.
Find a way to turn the negativity into something positive.
Send back a kind thought or action, which is a higher frequency than the negative attack. And the highest vibration wins.
Once you use these tools to heal your relationship with yourself, you radiate the power to transform your intimate relationship.
And if you’re single and seeking your best love match, enjoy a singles free months membership in the Singles Club in Tribe Of Blondes.
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Simply click on SINGLES CLUB in the menu bar and sign up. Enjoy!
Dedicated to your dating and relationship happiness,
Hadley Finch
